Are You Stuck Going in Circles?

There’s a convenience store/gas station combo on my route to work. One day I see this guy come out of the store, hop into a sedan of an unusual green color. As I’m looking, I see him drink three (yes, three!) cans of Red Bull energy drink. While being amazed that anyone would or could even do that and wondering why, there’s a disturbing noise. Automatically turning to look, I see Mr. Red Bull leaning out of the car door retching. He’s just relocated the energy drink from the store onto the parking lot. He pulls himself together and drives off. Wow, poor guy. Hope he’s okay, I think.

Two days later, I drop in for a cup of coffee, and who do you think I see? It’s Mr. Red Bull. He’s sitting in his car. And . . . wait for it, yes, he does . . . he drinks three cans in a row. Hmm, why is he doing that again? I wonder. As I exit the store, coffee in hand, our guy leans out of the car, vomits, pulls himself together, and drives away. I don’t get it. I look back at the cashier and say, “Did you see that?” To which he replies, “Yes, ma’am, it’s his morning routine. Says it’s what he’s got to do to get through the day.”

What’s wrong with this picture? The same guy is using the same parking space, buying the same things, consuming them the same way, and getting the same unpleasant result. I’d wager that most of us would consider that poor decision making. Not only that, but the store owner’s business can’t be getting an uptick of return customers who use that parking slot before the next good rain.

The moral of the story? Never make the mistake of thinking you don’t have choices. Very often your best choices are sitting in one of your blind spots. Left neglected, these hidden barriers will deliver the same crappy results with the same crappy situation again and again. Mr. Red Bull is tethered to a routine where he doesn’t believe he’s got better choices.

Spending years in a situation that makes you so miserable that it overtakes your life, your job, your health, and relationships causes real pain. It’s like living in a roundabout, going in circles. Invitations for get-togethers with friends become less and less appealing because you simply don’t have the energy. Or perhaps those invitations have stopped coming. Your spouse is disappointed, but you’re secretly glad you don’t have to wear your happy face. You know that’s not who you want to be, but you feel stuck and aren’t entirely sure why. This is a type of personal pain that is insidious, relentless, and often has a remedy hidden in plain sight (yep, blind spots again).

If you aren’t doing what you know you need to be doing, either you secretly believe it’s temporary, it’s someone else’s fault, or something magic will come along and solve it for you. If this is you, you’re not stuck— you’re lazy . . . or maybe you’ve given up and become comfortable with your discomfort.

The dead giveaway here? You show up as the indignant victim, checked-out spouse, parent, leader, employee, friend, and probably all-around pain in the butt. The sad paradox is that you don’t see it, but everyone else does. They see you, hear you, and most definitely feel that big bag of anger you’re toting around.      

Or perhaps you’re the one whose solution is to work harder, longer, and suffer silently because you “should” know all the answers. This is the fallacy of thinking that your future self has more time available than your present self. How’s that working out for you?

You know life can be better. You must act. Your thinking must shift. You don’t get to a place where it no longer hurts through inaction, bad action, or the same action. Figure out where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there. Tactical efforts can’t pay off until you determine what’s holding you back.

You are not alone here. Let me share some common beliefs and why they are not true:

•   “I know exactly what to do.” Just think of all the people who won’t ask for directions when lost, convinced they are a natural at navigation. Learn your limitations. Find your options.

•  “It’s not fair.” There are things in life we control and others we don’t. Learn the difference.

• “More is better.” This belief has a dastardly side. Afraid to say “no” to every request? Get ready, because “more” is coming your way. Forget time management; you won’t have any.

• “If it doesn’t help me, then screw it.” Get clear about this. Does it not help you—or are you unwilling to try or to stick with it?

How much are your blind spots costing you—in a day, a month, a year? You’re vigilant about adjusting the automobile mirrors to eliminate these. Now envision the potential cost (to life, limbs, lawsuits) of skipping this step.

Aren’t you tired of living like this? OK, now you’re thinking straight, and we can discuss what will solve your problem.

The main thing you are really struggling with is understanding exactly where you are and taking responsibility for it. It’s you being honest with you about what’s really going on. It’s serious, and it takes work. There’s a messy way and a smart way. I know you’re smart, so we’re sticking with that path.

• Figure out exactly what bothers you about your situation.

• Figure out what you value and look for areas where your values conflict with the way you are living, what you are doing, and where you are right now.
• Figure out what’s true. Under the enormous stress of operating with blind spots, your thinking becomes disordered. It can show up as ruminating thoughts, anxiety about what others think, how you think about yourself, defensiveness, sadness, and more. You’re drunk-driving. You need to pull over and sober up if you want to get home safely.

2. Identify your priorities.

• Everything is not urgent and important. Learn how to sort and prioritize within every area of your health, wealth, business, and relationships. With a strategic sorting technique, I can guarantee you will find blind spots.

• Identify and discard the useless. Work with the rest.

3. Work your plan.

• Take a hard look in the mirror and honestly evaluate your change readiness. Adjust the plan accordingly; this becomes your final first draft.

•  Using what you’ve learned, work backward from your vision.

Find and adjust your blind spots. Otherwise it’s like you’re walking around with a “kick me” sign on your back.

What if you could take the energy it takes to live in this pain and redirect it with efficiency to a better place? A place where life is solid and balanced.

What would it feel like to know that you have choices and to be clear about what they are? To follow a path of your own design and end each day satisfied with yourself? No angst, no indecision.

Feels great, right? Now we get to the fun part. How will you get this done?

You have three choices:

1. Do nothing. Have another Red Bull and continue to muddle through.
2. Take the do-it-yourself (DIY) route. Read books, watch online videos, perform web searches, ask friends and family, experiment. This is time-consuming and typically filled with starts, stops, and sputters. Results will vary.3. Get a pro. If the plumbing in your house sprung a major leak, would you fix it yourself? No, you’d engage help that is outside of your expertise.
3. Get a pro. If the plumbing in your house sprung a major leak, would you fix it yourself? No, you’d engage help that is outside of your expertise.
   

All this is about is giving yourself some priority. This applies to any important high-use investment that you must rely upon. Your home, car, technology—your health . . . why would you treat yourself differently?

Don’t dabble around; do it right. You need a better life and lifestyle, not simply a patch here and there. And you need it now. If the windshield of your car shattered, would you let it go? When the house springs that leak, would you take the wait and see approach? Of course not. The critical point here is you have an urgent need to stop the pain.

A professional health coach will help you search out, identify, and eliminate your blind spots. You’ll learn to stay accountable to yourself with the support, structure, and resources you need to remedy the problem quickly. The only limiter is your willingness to put in the work.