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Are You Stuck Going in Circles?

Sun, 10 Oct 2021 19:09:23 GMT

Your Decisions Got You Here, and They Can Get You Out

There’s a convenience store/gas station combo on my route to work. One day I see this guy come out of the store, hop into a sedan of an unusual green color. As I’m looking, I see him drink three (yes, three!) cans of Red Bull energy drink. While being amazed that anyone would or could even do that and wondering why, there’s a disturbing noise. Automatically turning to look, I see Mr. Red Bull leaning out of the car door retching. He’s just relocated the energy drink from the store onto the parking lot. He pulls himself together and drives off. Wow, poor guy. Hope he’s okay , I think.

Two days later, I drop in for a cup of coffee, and who do you think I see? It’s Mr. Red Bull. He’s sitting in his car. And . . . wait for it, yes, he does . . . he drinks three cans in a row. Hmm , why is he doing that again? I wonder. As I exit the store, coffee in hand, our guy leans out of the car, vomits, pulls himself together, and drives away. I don’t get it. I look back at the cashier and say, “Did you see that?” To which he replies, “Yes, ma’am, it’s his morning routine. Says it’s what he’s got to do to get through the day.”

What’s wrong with this picture? The same guy is using the same parking space, buying the same things, consuming them the same way, and getting the same unpleasant result. I’d wager that most of us would consider that poor decision making. Not only that, but the store owner’s business can’t be getting an uptick of return customers who use that parking slot before the next good rain.

The moral of the story? Never make the mistake of thinking you don’t have choices. Very often your best choices are sitting in one of your blind spots. Left neglected, these hidden barriers will deliver the same crappy results with the same crappy situation again and again. Mr. Red Bull is tethered to a routine where he doesn’t believe he’s got better choices.

Spending years in a situation that makes you so miserable that it overtakes your life, your job, your health, and relationships causes real pain. It’s like living in a roundabout, going in circles. Invitations for get-togethers with friends become less and less appealing because you simply don’t have the energy. Or perhaps those invitations have stopped coming. Your spouse is disappointed, but you’re secretly glad you don’t have to wear your happy face. You know that’s not who you want to be, but you feel stuck and aren’t entirely sure why. This is a type of personal pain that is insidious, relentless, and often has a remedy hidden in plain sight (yep, blind spots again).

If you aren’t doing what you know you need to be doing, either you secretly believe it’s temporary, it’s someone else’s fault, or something magic will come along and solve it for you. If this is you, you’re not stuck— you’re lazy . . . or maybe you’ve given up and become comfortable with your discomfort.

The dead giveaway here? You show up as the indignant victim, checked-out spouse, parent, leader, employee, friend, and probably all-around pain in the butt. The sad paradox is that you don’t see it, but everyone else does. They see you, hear you, and most definitely feel that big bag of anger you’re toting around.

Or perhaps you’re the one whose solution is to work harder, longer, and suffer silently because you “should” know all the answers. This is the fallacy of thinking that your future self has more time available than your present self. How’s that working out for you?

You know life can be better. You must act. Your thinking must shift. You don’t get to a place where it no longer hurts through inaction, bad action, or the same action. Figure out where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there. Tactical efforts can’t pay off until you determine what’s holding you back.

You are not alone here. Let me share some common beliefs and why they are not true:

“I know exactly what to do.” Just think of all the people who won’t ask for directions when lost, convinced they are a natural at navigation. Learn your limitations. Find your options.

“It’s not fair.” There are things in life we control and others we don’t. Learn the difference.

“More is better.” This belief has a dastardly side. Afraid to say “no” to every request? Get ready, because “more” is coming your way. Forget time management; you won’t have any.

“If it doesn’t help me, then screw it.” Get clear about this. Does it not help you—or are you unwilling to try or to stick with it?

How much are your blind spots costing you—in a day, a month, a year? You’re vigilant about adjusting the automobile mirrors to eliminate these. Now envision the potential cost (to life, limbs, lawsuits) of skipping this step.

Aren’t you tired of living like this? OK, now you’re thinking straight, and we can discuss what will solve your problem.

The main thing you are really struggling with is understanding exactly where you are and taking responsibility for it. It’s you being honest with you about what’s really going on. It’s serious, and it takes work. There’s a messy way and a smart way. I know you’re smart, so we’re sticking with that path.

1. Develop a real awareness of what’s got you stuck.

Figure out exactly what bothers you about your situation.

Figure out what you value and look for areas where your values conflict with the way you are living, what you are doing, and where you are right now.
Figure out what’s true. Under the enormous stress of operating with blind spots, your thinking becomes disordered. It can show up as ruminating thoughts, anxiety about what others think, how you think about yourself, defensiveness, sadness, and more. You’re drunk-driving. You need to pull over and sober up if you want to get home safely.

2. Identify your priorities.

Everything is not urgent and important. Learn how to sort and prioritize within every area of your health, wealth, business, and relationships. With a strategic sorting technique, I can guarantee you will find blind spots.

Identify and discard the useless. Work with the rest.

3. Work your plan.

Take a hard look in the mirror and honestly evaluate your change readiness. Adjust the plan accordingly; this becomes your final first draft.

Using what you’ve learned, work backward from your vision.

Find and adjust your blind spots. Otherwise it’s like you’re walking around with a “kick me” sign on your back.

What if you could take the energy it takes to live in this pain and redirect it with efficiency to a better place? A place where life is solid and balanced.

What would it feel like to know that you have choices and to be clear about what they are? To follow a path of your own design and end each day satisfied with yourself? No angst, no indecision.

Feels great, right? Now we get to the fun part. How will you get this done?

You have three choices:

Do nothing. Have another Red Bull and continue to muddle through.
Take the do-it-yourself (DIY) route. Read books, watch online videos, perform web searches, ask friends and family, experiment. This is time-consuming and typically filled with starts, stops, and sputters. Results will vary.3. Get a pro. If the plumbing in your house sprung a major leak, would you fix it yourself? No, you’d engage help that is outside of your expertise.
Get a pro. If the plumbing in your house sprung a major leak, would you fix it yourself? No, you’d engage help that is outside of your expertise.

All this is about is giving yourself some priority. This applies to any important high-use investment that you must rely upon. Your home, car, technology—your health . . . why would you treat yourself differently?

Don’t dabble around; do it right. You need a better life and lifestyle, not simply a patch here and there. And you need it now . If the windshield of your car shattered, would you let it go? When the house springs that leak, would you take the wait and see approach? Of course not. The critical point here is you have an urgent need to stop the pain.

A professional health coach will help you search out, identify, and eliminate your blind spots. You’ll learn to stay accountable to yourself with the support, structure, and resources you need to remedy the problem quickly. The only limiter is your willingness to put in the work.

Now, take your very best next step. Decide once and for all to stop going in circles. Exit that roundabout!

How Much Exercise Do You Really Need to Get in Shape?

Fri, 21 Jun 2019 20:35:49 GMT

Okay, so you live with a crammed schedule, you hate exercise, or you simply want to set your minimum daily goals.

How much exercise do you *actually* need to get in shape?

Twenty minutes three times per week? Half-hour per day?

And how much is too much?

Do you need to sweat it out for an hour or more every day?

Let’s go over the (sometimes) mysterious amount of exercise that is ideal. Ideal for your health and wellness. Ideal for getting into shape.

Starting with the minimum.

What’s the Minimum Amount of Exercise?

Of course, you’re going to have to start from where you are right now. If you’re not already exercising regularly, there is no need to go overboard. In fact, trying too much too soon may derail your motivation, and become a reason you just throw in the towel. You’ll also run the risk of injury, small or large, you’ll have to take time to heal. An injury right when you have found the motivation to exercise prevents you from sustaining your enthusiasm of the moment. And, if it took you a long time to get motivated, you run the risk of the same thing once the injury is healed.

So, let’s say you’re not that active (yet). What if I were to recommend “ten to twenty minutes every other day at a level you think you can do?” How does that sound as a starting point?

Pretty do-able, I’d say!

If you’re not training for a competition, you can absolutely get into great shape starting with this plan.

It’s going to longer, I’m not gonna lie. But that time is going to pass anyway, so when the next season comes around wouldn’t you want to be proud of your improved strength and fitness?

Yes, I thought so!

How to Design Your Exercise Plan

Now, there isn’t one answer for everyone. The main rule is to begin with where you are. Take note of your fitness level and your goals and increase and improve slowly. There really is no quick fix (at least no quick fix that will give you lasting long-term results).

Always consider what is reasonably sustainable for you, based on:

● What is your long-term fitness goal?

● What else is going on in your life (i.e. how much time do you really have)?

● What is your current state of fitness?

But don’t stop there!

As you create a sustainable exercise habit, it will start getting easier. So, don’t forget to make it a bit more challenging as you go. Every week do something to push yourself a bit farther than you were before. If you’re strength training, do another repetition or grab the next heavier weight. If you’re doing cardio, go a bit longer, farther, and/or faster.

A great motivational tool is to log your workouts. A simple notepad or workbook (or app ) will do! Just enter your reps, sets, and/or times each time you workout. This will not only help you to keep motivated to continue, but it will also help you see where you can squeeze in that extra challenge as you progress.

After several weeks you can stop and evaluate. Keep going the way you are, ramp it up, or change it completely. Eventually, you will find yourself getting stronger, and more fit.

Don’t Forget Your Nutrition

While exercise is very, very good for your health, wellness and longevity, it’s not the on ly thing to consider. What you eat is going to have as big, or bigger, impact on your shape.

Some super-simple tips that give you the biggest “bang for your buck” are:

● Eat more veggies

● Swap the soda for carbonated water with (or without) fruit

● Cut your treats and sweets in half (and hide half) before indulging

● Reduce the serving size of your main meals (try using a smaller plate)

● Eat slower and savor it more by chewing each bite of food more thoroughly

● Carry around healthy (unsweetened fiber-rich) snacks like nuts, fruit and berries (go easy on the fruit to avoid too much sugar – too much sugar even the natural kind adds unwanted calories)

● Swap in healthy oils instead of vegetable and canola oils for your favorite recipes and dressings. Healthy Oils include olive, avocado, coconut, ghee, grapeseed, walnut, sesame, and red palm. A reasonable amount of oil in your diet will help stave off hunger.

Fantastic Side Effects for Your Brain

As the late Ron Popell, famous pitchman and inventor of the “infomercial” would say, “But wait, there’s more!”. Locking into a lifestyle that includes at least the minimum exercise and reasonable eating, will reap bonus rewards for your brain. Your mood, memory, and thinking skills will improve (and no, you are never too old to attain these brain benefits).,

Key Takeaways

You don’t need to exercise like crazy to get into shape. I promise! But you do need to do the following:

● Start from where you are, and don’t go overboard.

● If you’re a beginner, that means 10 - 20 minutes every other day at an easy level.

● Log your workout progress to track improvements and keep motivated.

● Slowly increase the difficulty every week as you get stronger and fitter.

● Don’t forget to eat your veggies, reduce your serving sizes (especially treats) and carry around healthy snacks.

● Talk with your doctor before beginning any new exercise or nutrition program.

● Make an appointment to chat with me about how I can support you getting into shape.

REFERENCES

http://www.precisionnutrition.com/minimal-exercise

https://draxe.com/healthy-cooking-oils/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3225186/

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes-brain-improve-memory-thinking-skills-201404097110

Progress check: New Year's Resolutions 2019

183:695149764 (Lisbeth Fabiny) — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 16:23:53 GMT

You've got this!... tips to reVisit, reSet, reAffirm, and reVive your reSolutions.

Learning and building wisdom - you are doing this continuously - simply by living your life. Through each experience you become more aware of what you want, what works for you, and the many different ways you have already been successful in the things that you do. In this way, you can see yourself from two perspectives; your present-self and your-future self.

When it comes to sustaining New Year’s resolutions, use the power of your "selfs" to keep going . Your present-self brings knowledge, ideas, and strategies into the goal setting process and your future-self brings energy, vision, motivation, and optimism to the process of achieving those goals.

Too often we stumble, lose steam, and want to stop working on our resolution. We tell ourselves, we can't do it or use black and white thinking to rationalize quitting (ex: “Well, I just ate that doughnut - I might as well go ahead and eat whatever I want now.").

If you are finding yourself in or headed into the resolution doldrums, take a quick time out. Slow down a moment and recruit your two "selfs". Use your future-self to review why you have that goal. What will change in your life when you achieve it? How things will change along the way towards it? Can you see/envision it? What will it look like? Is it still something you want for yourself?

Now, ask your present-self to provide advice. If that goal is still important to you, take a moment to review the structure of that goal. Is it realistic? Is it too big (is it really a bigger vision that represents the culmination of many assorted goals)? Is it the most important thing for you to work on right now? Is the goal for you or for someone else (and why)? With the new experience and knowledge you've acquired since originally making your resolution, decide if you need to keep it, tweak it (scale up , scale down, refine, etc.), change it (adjust timeline, outcome, purpose, add or improve support resources to maintain resolve, etc.), or replace it (with one that is more meaningful to you, truly for yourself, clear, specific, realistic, important, measurable, etc.).

Having done that, you should have a pretty clear idea as to whether you are still happy with the resolutions you've set or you have adjusted them into new, more informed versions. Now it's time to let your future-self inspire you to keep going and allow your present-self permission to have ups and downs along the way. Use your inner wisdom and creativity to establish your own 'best practices' for staying on track.

For more tips about keeping resolutions, take a look at this very brief article in January's edition of Living in North Georgia Home magazine. And as always, remember, a Health Coach can help you to reaffirm or revise your goals. Health Coaching is a proven and effective way to improve your success with making changes - from small ones to total lifestyle overhauls. If you feel you have the right goals and are giving it your best shot but are losing your desire to continue - don't quit, call me!

Self-efficacy: The Unsung Hero of Successful Goals

183:695149764 (Lisbeth Fabiny) — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 19:06:12 GMT

Goal setting is one thing, goal achieving is another. Often self-efficacy, the hero of goal achievement, is not given the respect it deserves.

No matter how SMART and important the goal, if the self-efficacy component is overlooked, your power to achieve that goal will be diminished significantly.

Defined as “a person's estimate or personal judgment of his or her own ability to succeed in reaching a specific goal” [1] , self-efficacy must be considered before you start working on a goal.

A good way to understand the self-efficacy concept is to think of it as a toolbox. The tools inside are the knowledge, skills, and resources you bring to your goal. Incidentally, you use this toolbox on a daily basis, most of the time, without even thinking about it.

Take for example, a simple goal of opening the front door of your house. You need to get through that door (important goal). Easy, right? What if you arrive at your front door, find it’s locked and do not have the key? Your goal just got a lot harder. You forgot to consider an important resource (tool) for self-efficacy (a key in your toolbox).

Realistically, you accomplish this goal on a regular basis without any effort, right? But do you? Well, you need to know where your door is, what key you need, where that key is, whether or not you have more than one lock on that door, etc. These are all tools (knowledge, skills, resources) you must consider ahead of time in order to be successful with that door goal. This is self-efficacy. You are fully able to accomplish this goal because you have a very high level of self-efficacy – your personal judgement predicts a high success rate for your ability to open the door.

As related to achieving larger goals like those for wellness and wellbeing, the self-efficacy component is your hero. Think of a goal you would like to accomplish or one you may already be working towards, pause a moment and inventory your self-efficacy toolbox:

· Do know what work is required of the goal?

· Do you have the skills for achieving the goal (if not, what will it take to acquire the skills to work on your goal)?

· Do you have the resources to achieve your goal (time, knowledge, support, etc.)?

· Is the goal important enough for you to invest the skills and resources necessary (if not, should you redesign or resize, or change your goal)?

These are the types of considerations necessary to arm yourself with confidence and motivation. When your toolbox is stocked you are well positioned for success before you even begin. If you find you need to add a tool or two, you have acquired the insight to make a more powerful decisions as to your readiness for the goal you are considering and what you will need to begin.

For more about self-efficacy, we believe you will find this Explore Psychology (website) article helpful: Self-efficacy: Definition and Examples

[1] Farlex Partner Medical Dictionary © Farlex 2012

Is Health & Wellness coaching worth it?

183:695149764 (Lisbeth Fabiny) — Wed, 29 Aug 2018 22:49:19 GMT

You may skeptical about the impact coaching will have upon your life. Tim Morin, President & CEO of executive coaching company WJM Associates says, “ Investing in people is not the same as investing in a new piece of equipment or a new software program ”. The same is true for health and wellness coaching. Investing in your wellbeing reaps benefits. How can we know this?

The obvious benefits are easy to understand: Happier, more efficient & self-sufficient, greater enjoyment of life within a chronic condition setting, improved peace of mind, richer relationships, greater physical health, acquisition of new & reusable skills – and the list goes on. Tying the benefits of a coaching experience back to a percentage number representing the return on your investment (ROI) is a little harder to define but not impossible. It gives a reasonable understanding as to whether your coaching cost (investment) is worth it. In this article we will take a look at measuring the tangible value of coaching.

Q: How?

A: We prepare for this during the coaching engagement as a part of goal-setting where you identify your health and wellness goals along with the key benefit expected and how it will be measured. This information is captured pre- and post-coaching and then plugged into the standard ROI formula:

%ROI = [(Benefits Achieved - Coaching Costs)/Coaching Costs] x 100

Q: How do we define the benefits achieved?

A: This requires careful identification of highest priority objective and expected benefit. Your coach will work with you early and extensively to do this. Once a goal is established, expected benefits are given a monetary value.

Q: Can you give me an example?

A: First, establish the goal. Let’s use “Taylor” as our example client. Taylor’s goal is: To feel more purposeful and satisfied with important decisions. Next, we solidify the tangible benefit expected. Taylor wants to achieve shorter time between choice and decision .

It takes Taylor about 3 weeks to make an important decision. Typically, Taylor procrastinates 3 days then spends an average of 1.5 hours daily in the decision-making process during the remaining 18 days ( e.g. clarifying what’s needed to make decision, researching choices, evaluating pros and cons of choices, getting quotes, etc.). Though in reality time is priceless, to arrive at a monetary value for time, we will assume value of Taylors time is equal to the value of the coach’s time and is:

Pre-coaching: Work hours to make a decision: (1.5 hours x 18 days) = 27 hr. Cost of Taylor’s time: 27 x 160= $4,320

Coaching investment by Taylor: 12 x 160 (12 hours over three months) = $1920

Post-coaching: With the same average work effort per day: 1.5 x 6 days, (no procrastination) = 9 hr. Cost of Taylor’s time: 9 x 160 = $ 1,440.

The monetary benefit of Taylor’s time savings: $4,320 - $1,920 = $,2880. Using this information, we calculate:

%ROI = [(Benefits Achieved ( 2880 ) - Coaching Costs ( 1920 ) / Coaching Costs ( 1920 )] x 100 = 50%

Taylor has achieved a 50% return on the investment of coaching in terms of expedited and more confident decision making (same decision, less time). In addition, Taylor’s stress level caused by indecision and procrastination is reduced significantly and time is freed up for other activities. These are but a few positive outcomes of Taylor’s achievement.

Now, what investment in yourself are you willing to make for a better state of wellness? Remember also, there is a ripple effect (intangible) to better wellness – those people around you and important to you, including those you haven’t yet met, will benefit by your more satisfied self!

(original publication: 18 July 2018, The Northeast Georgian Newspaper, Healthy Living section)

Fundamental change psychology

183:695149764 (Lisbeth Fabiny) — Wed, 29 Aug 2018 22:49:16 GMT

In the field of human behavior and wellbeing, psychology occupies centerstage. After survival needs are met (safety and sustenance), humans seek fulfillment and contentment (a state of wellbeing). How we seek better wellbeing is unique for each of us. When we are ready, we act; we change. The psychology of change is a fascinating subject and provides reliable insight we can leverage to our advantage.

Fundamental change psychology models show that successful behavior and lifestyle change requires both readiness and motivation. The transtheoretical, or stages of change model, illuminates readiness. Generally speaking, we pass through very specific stages before we can to move from idea to habit [1] (changed behavior).

Once ready for change, we need to harness motivation and establish supportive structure to execute change. Here, we can apply another change psychology model; the elephant and the rider [2] . The rider represents your rational side (thinker, planner, outcome-focused, vigilant driver but tires easily). The elephant reflects your emotional side (gut feelings, ingrained habits, hates to fail, needs enticement, likes instant gratification). With easy changes, the rider has no trouble directing the elephant. But when in disagreement, the rider is no match for the elephant.

To tackle these disagreements (hard changes) we can tap the rider to analyze how best to tackle the change and we harness the elephant to help us devise a strategy to create a path of least resistance. By devising small steps with measurable goals to stay motivated (elephant moving) we are more likely to follow and remain on this path (rider guiding). A trainer (coach) can help the rider and the elephant travel more quickly and successfully from idea to habit.

(original publication: 18 Apr 2018, The Northeast Georgian Newspaper, Healthy Aging section)

[1] Prochaska, J.O., & Prochaska, J.M. (2016). Changing to Thrive . Hazelden Publishing.

[2] Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2012) Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard . Random House Business Books.

What is a Health and Wellness Coach?

183:695149764 (Lisbeth Fabiny) — Wed, 29 Aug 2018 22:49:14 GMT

Health and Wellness Coaching (HWC) professionals are seeing a growing number of people using their services. But what exactly is a HWC and could one make a difference in your wellbeing?

If you were to ask someone to tell you what a sports coach does, very few would have any trouble providing an explanation. Merriam-Webster defines “coach” as, “one who instructs or trains”.

But if you apply the same simple definition to a Health and Wellness coach, what is it exactly that they are “instructing” or “training”?

At Five Seasons Health, we encounter this question frequently; and rightly so because it’s a good one.

Health is more than just diet and exercise. Wellness is more than not being sick. Health and Wellness is a concept that encompasses the whole person. This is a partnership. You will have engaging and thought-provoking conversations about achieving better balance in very specific lifestyle areas and within your own set of health and wellness circumstances. In the process, your personal insight, motivation, goals for better wellbeing will emerge.

Areas include:

- Mindful Awareness – living with intentional, non-judgmental attention.

- Meaningful Work – satisfying use of time/talent.

- Relationships – Friends, family, colleagues, community are central to our wellbeing.

- Self-Care - Access to good health care and resources including evidence-based complementary care (chiropractic, massage therapy, yoga, etc.).

- Food – How and what you eat.

- Physical Activity & Relaxation – We are meant to move and to rest.

- Environment – Home, work, neighborhood, and nature.

The coaching relationship invites the creative freedom to discover places for positive change in your life. Simple changes make big impacts. Those simple changes are designed by you and often achievable in as little as three months.

Treat yourself to a good year. Schedule your free, private, confidential consultation and learn what’s possible!

(original publication: 17 Jan 2018, The Northeast Georgian Newspaper, Healthy Living section)

Living well amidst life's imperfections

183:695149764 (Lisbeth Fabiny) — Wed, 29 Aug 2018 22:49:12 GMT

As human beings, we are uniquely hard-wired to seek purpose and meaning in our lives.

Purpose and meaning are defined for each of us by our values. Said another way, when we can make choices that align with our values, we are living with purpose and meaning. When in this mode, you are living a lifestyle of healthy wellbeing. Wellbeing is not about having perfect health and without difficult challenges or obstacles. It is about living well amidst life’s imperfections.

Did you set goals for this year? Of course you did. We all do. Which of your big goals for 2017 have been completed so far? How about the ones from 2016, 2015, or further back? If you are like most, you have one or more unmet goals. Most frequently these are important goals tied to improving wellbeing to live a happy, full, and balanced life.

So -- if we have these important wellbeing goals -- why do so many of us struggle to meet them? Very often we set these aside to a future date when we think we’ll have more time. Other times, the goals seem so big or fuzzy, we aren’t quite sure where to start. How then can we find the time, clarity, energy, inspiration, and motivation to tackle our goals in the present? By adding health & wellness coaching into your personal toolkit for success.

In the coaching relationship, you are recognized as the expert in your life. Your coach’s expertise lies in the collaborative and co-creative partnership with you specific to your personal wellness goals. Using evidence-based scientific principles and processes, you will discover your strengths, values, and priorities. You will emerge from your coaching experience with a higher state of health and wellbeing along with permanently reusable skills for future goals.

(original publication: 18 Oct 2017, The Northeast Georgian Newspaper, Active Living section)